Defusing Family Tension How To Contain the Strife Before It Rages Out of Control

Eventually, in every family business, internal or external forces can create a potentially damaging situation. Market forces may create pressures on income that, in turn, create personal pressures on the owner. Internal family conflicts may spill over into the workplace and affect everyone working there.

Many of the external forces tend to be cyclical, and a well structured family business will come through downturns. Internal problems related to the family, however, can take more effort to work around.

Develop a Good Self-Image
Many family conflict problems can be traced back to a family member’s image of himself or herself. Problems arise when one family member has a poor self-image and feels inferior to other members of the family.

For example, Jim had been working in his father Fred’s business since graduating from college five years ago. Recently, his cousin Jenny also joined the company. Jenny is very quick to grasp new ideas and has advanced quite rapidly. This makes Jim envious. To make himself look better, Jim has begun doing little things to sabotage Jenny’s work. His actions are starting to affect the morale of other employees and are beginning to cause some real damage in the company.

Facilitate Family Interaction
Another problem is that family members become so busy that they are unable to interact on a personal level. Family members involved in the business should create time to get together outside the business and interact in a healthy, social environment. You should do this in an uncontrived context, and don’t force it on family members who don’t want to be involved. When family members communicate in a nonbusiness setting, they can eliminate many of the pressures that cause internal family conflict.

Fred, seeing the conflict that was developing between Jim and Jenny, decided to have a get together and invite them along with their spouses and children. After sitting down and spending some time together on a social level, Jim began to see Jenny as a person again, rather than just as a rival at work. Fred decided to make this a regular event.

Encourage Open Expression
Family members should make it clear that open communication is of paramount importance to the business. You should set up regular meetings to allow family business members to air their grievances or

express their opinions in a nonthreatening manner. This way everything is on the table and communication is as open as possible. If the conflict is significant, the meetings can be “off the record” to allow people to vent and work through the issues impeding family relationships and progress toward the business’s goals.

At the next family board meeting, Fred addressed the issue of Jim’s and Jenny’s roles in the company. This allowed both Jim and Jenny to discuss their goals and concerns and gave the family a chance to find how to best use both their talents.

Share the Vision
Finally, the owner should consider creating a mission statement for the business and sharing his or her vision with the next generation. Following this advice, Fred started discussing his future plans for the business with both Jim and Jenny. He told them where he hoped the business would be going, and how he envisioned each of them helping along that road.

This further relieved the tension between the two by making it clear that they both would have a future role in the company. By doing this early, you can help your successors buy into your vision and reduce or eliminate much of the conflict that is natural in family businesses.